Laos ... Yeahhh.

1st of all. Alonzo has posted more pictures. Go to www.snapfish.com use the email address
azm13@hotmail.com and the password gonzo


Alonzo, Jessy, and I left Chiang Mai on Christmas Eve. The moped terror peaked for me the day before we left. We went to look for the bus station so we could get tickets for the next day. Alonzo was driving, and the traffic was kind of heavy, and there was more swerving than normal (because we didn't know where we were going) and the line between the shoulder and the road was much more distinct (which is important because the shoulder also serves as the moped lane). Merging from the shoulder over onto the main highway was the sketchiest part of it all. I've crashed on my bike more than once because I didn't take the turn sharp enough and my tires kept going forward while my body went sideways. I was thinking about every single time as Alonzo made the transition over. Every muscle in my body was tensed up, but Alonzo made it over smoothly and we made to the bus station and got tickets for the 8:00 am bus tomorrow.

We caught the bus up, and they played some really crappy American horror/sci-fi movie. It made me wonder whether or not the actors know that their movie is being played on a tiny TV on the bus from Chaing Mai to Chaing Khong. Anyway, Chaing Khong is right on the border with Laos, so as soon as we got there we took a ferry across (the Mekong) to the Laos side, and promptly got shafted by the Laos government officials. I knew we were going to have to pay 35 USD to get a visa, which is a little steep, but I though "Meh, What can ya do?". I was however, mistaken. Americans have to pay that much if they have US cash. If they are going to pay in Baht (the Thai currency), they have to pay 1500, which is about 50 USD. At first I honestly thought the man had made a mistake with the calculator (silly me) and so I did the conversion, and pointed to the new number on the calculator. He took the calculator back (On a side note, calculators are used really extensively here, for haggleing, to make sure everyone involved is sure of the numbers. They get some crazy huge calculators too, with 2" tall number displays.) and typed 1500 back in, then pointed to it. Then he smiled. His smile was the worst part of the whole thing. It said "I know you're getting shafted. And you know you're getting shafted. And your friends? They're going to get shafted too, because who carries around US cash in Thailand? So you can argue all you want, but you're going to pay the extra money, and I'm not going to loose any sleep over haven given you the shaft. Sucker." It was the most infuriating smile I've ever seen. And to make it worse, I didn't have enough cash on me, because I hadn't planned on needing much Baht in Laos (they use Kip there). So I fought a little more, and punched some more numbers into the calculator, and they told me that I could go back to Thailand if I wanted to, to get out more cash. What I really wanted to do was to spit on his little smile, then run back to Thailand where I would be out of reach (hopefully) of his retribution, but instead I borrowed a little money from Alonzo, gritted my teeth, and payed.

After we left, our next task was to bater passage on a slow boat down the Mekong. We hoped to be able to get started that day but, apparently only one boat leaves every day, and we had missed it, so we got a hotel room. Then we went down to the pier and bartered passage on the slow boat the next day. Score. Our boat left at 11:00, and we showed up at about 10:20. The boat was already mostly filled, and most of the occupants were tourists. There were some chickens on the roof, and one or two Laotian families but the vast majority was European tourists. On that note, I have some good news. Europeans are assholes too. I always hear about what a bad reputation Americans have abroad, as being loud and rude and obnoxious. Well, 1st of all, because everyone was speaking English, I feel like a lot of the rude Europeans could easily be mistaken for Americans, and give us a bad name. Second of all, I kind of feel like Americans are made out to be the only assholes, but that is just not the case. Some of these Europeans were unbelievable. The Mekong was beautiful though. We were on it for two days, and I watched the scenery go past for most of the time. We stopped for one night in a very small town supported, as far as I could tell, entirely by the tourist boat stopping there every day. It was kind of sad because the people there have such a strong incentive to hawk and sell! sell! sell! That night was the first I've ever slept under a mosquito net and I was glad of it, but not because of mosquitoes. I heard something (I assume some sort of Asian rat) crawling around on the head of the bed, and I don't know if the mosquito net kept the rat from crawling on my face, but it certainly did make me feel better. At the end of the second day we passed a few cliffs, some in the distance, but some right on the river. It made me excited about climbing, because, while the climbing in Chiang Mai was good, it wasn't terribly scenic. This looked like it was going to be. One of the cliffs on the river had a cave, which had been turned into a temple. Sweet. We got into Luang Pra Bang at about 5:45, and we hoped to be able to get a bus down to Vang Vieng (where the climbing is). I had actually lost hope because we got in later than I thought we would, but there was one leaving at 7:00, so we got tickets, then grabbed some dinner, and some sort of little Lao bunny cookies that tasted a little like lemon. Alonzo and I sat in the next to last row, with Jessy sitting in the row behind us. I had the window. The sun had been down for a while by the time the bus started to move, and after a little I got to see the moon rise. It was a dark red at first, then gradually lightened in color going through orange, until it became its normal bright off-white. It wasn't quite full, but it was still bright and the moonlight scenery was incredible.

Since Alonzo and I have been traveling together I've wanted to climb on top of almost all of the different forms of transportation we've taken. On the train we had huge, 4' x 4' windows that it would have been easy to climb out of. I felt around above the window, and there was a sort of gutter going above the window, so I climbed part way out and found out it would have been easy to get on top. I scouted out a descent too. There was a ladder down in between the cars, though once you got down the ladder it might have been tricky to get back inside the train. I was also a little worried about low hanging electrical wires, or electrical wires which were some how connected to the train. I ended up falling asleep, so didn't climb on top.

Then I wanted to climb on top of the boat down the Mekong too. I could have gotten away from the European tourists drinking and smoking, and enjoyed the scenery more. Part of the time, floating down the river I did stand on the bumper going around the edge of the boat, so my shoulder was at the level of the roof, and my whole body was outside the boat. Getting onto the roof would have been easy from there, and I might have done it, but there was a sign clearly proclaiming that it wasn't allowed, and I got yelled at a couple of times, just for standing on the bumper. The bus was a different story though. The window I was sitting beside was huge, but only about half of it opened. I felt around above it and found another sort of gutter, and pulled my torso out. They used the roof for some baggage storage, so there was a railing going around the edge. I lowered myself back into the bus, and began amassing testicular fortitude. There were no technically difficult climbing moves. The lights were off in the bus. Alonzo was asleep, and most other people either were, or would be soon. I didn't feel like I would be missed, and after a while someone in the front of the bus started throwing up (the road was pretty windy), giving me another reason to get out of the bus. The bus had to slow down going up hills, and eventually had to stop to shift down to first gear, so I even had a good opportunity when the bus wasn't really moving. I could just slip out the window, and onto the roof. Then really enjoy the view, and the experience (I've discovered I'm a real slut for a unique experience). I egged myself on for a long time, and finally opened the window and got completely outside the bus, with my hands on the rail around the top. Then I realized, "What am I doing?". I climbed back inside the bus. Before, I had thought the most difficult part would be the beginning. Actually opening the window. I was very demoralized, and realized I must not have fully been committed. Naturally, in hindsight the whole thing seems stupid and rash, but I still kind of wish I'd made it on top. As it is, I've got a cool memory, but riding on top of a bus at night through Laos, during the full moon would have been an incredible experience.