THE CRAZY TRAIN. Part I

I met Ben at the train station at 1:45 on Wednesday. We got the important stuff taken care of first, and Ben gave me my new full-face moped helmet. I strapped mine onto one of the straps of my backpack, under one of my arms, while Ben just carried his. Why were we at the train station in the early afternoon with full-face moped helmets? Fortunately not to go riding mopeds. There is a festival in southern Taiwan called "YanShui Beehive of Fireworks". Ben heard about it last year (one of my teachers had also brought it up in class once), and apparently its just a huge fireworks festival, except not all of the time the fireworks are pointed upwards. We'd found websites with clear pictures of how much protective gear was necessary, and a full face helmet seemed like a must, along with at least two jackets, and probably some gloves for good measure. Most of the other pictures of the event were crappy and unclear, but showed people dancing crazily, backlit by fireworks. We had also read, in the guidebook on Taiwan, that about 100,000 people showed up last year, and they also set off the longest string of fireworks in the world (something like 6-8 kilometers long, and it took 40 minutes to go off, or something absurd like that, I forget exactly). So we had our hopes pretty high for the festival, and I want to say up front, the were not disappointed. This was one of the most incredible experiences of my whole life, and while the fireworks were only a part of it, they provided a build up and the reason to do everything else we did.

With that many people going to the festival we were worried about all the public transportation being taken already, so we had bought train tickets the day before. On the ride down we napped a little (I was already tired from my classes, which are getting really intense), and I did a little homework (in my original plan, I would leave after class on Wednesday, and get back before class on Thursday, and aside from being tired, I would be well prepared and in class). As we got closer to our stop we began to be a little worried about the lack of people. We had found one website that said the dates for the festival were "20th-21st", so were were pretty sure it was tonight, but the train had empty seats. If 100,000 people were coming to a festival starting in a couple of hours, we expected that not only would all of the seats be taken, but that there would be no standing room. We hoped that a bunch of people would get off at our stop, to give us a little confidence about being in the right spot, but we the time came, we got off with not more than 20 other people. One of my teachers said she'd heard there was a free bus shuttle service so we asked about the ticket taker about this. He laughed at us and told us to go with the taxi drivers, who were in the background making gestures and noises that clearly indicated 'Fireworks Festival'. I'm not that big of a fan of taxi drivers, and so I asked where the bus station was. There was a round-about right outside the station with a monument in the middle (remember the monument, it'll be important later) and right on the other side of the round-about we found the bus station. From the woman at the ticket counter we found out conclusively that indeed, part of the festival was today, but the bigger part was tomorrow. I had mis-interpreted the calender. I thought it meant that the festival started on the night of the 20th, and went until the early hours of the 21st, but really it indicated that the festival was on 2 days. We were now presented with a decision. Whether or not to stay until tomorrow. While we were thinking we got tickets to Yanshui, where the festival would actually take place, and sat down to wait. We were chatting a little, and wondering (as usual) how we would know which bus was ours. So, I didn't notice immediately when a woman snuck up behind me to look at my ticket. I was a little creeped out (she never really said anything) but apparently she had taken pity on us, and was just looking to see where we were going, so she could tell us which bus would be ours. Even if the woman went about it differently that I would have expected, that was one problem solved. After a couple minutes a bus pulled up and the woman (who had stepped away to wait by the gate) began waving excitedly, so we walked over and boarded the bus. There were only about 10 other people on the bus, which, again, made it seem like tonight's celebrations were going to be a lot less packed that we had expected. While the bus ride was short, it built up further anxiety about the size of the festival we were going to. The bus was riding through small towns for the most part, but there were no people out at all. Even as we got closer, all of the streets remained disappointingly empty.In the afternoon the idea had occurred to me 'What if the need for moped helmets is all a big ruse?' Taiwanese are really big into the group mentality, and I started to wonder if we weren't encountering a situation where one person wore a helmet once, and even though they weren't really necessary, everyone started to wear one, and it would never occur to anyone that they might not actually need to wear a helmet, which would be pretty disappointing.

We had hoped that if we just got ourselves to the town, everything else would sort itself out, and I guess in the end it did. We were only at a loss for what do for a shot period, because the woman had taken a Taiwanese couple under her wing, and was leading them away talking about the fireworks festival, so we just decided to keep following her. After a while we got to somewhere with a stage and a bunch of stalls that was looked distinctly more like a festival, the Taiwanese couple broke off from her, and Ben and I moved in to try to figure out what was going on. In short: the big crazy event where fireworks get shot at you wasn't until Thursday night, and there were no hotels in the area (this seemed unlikely, and I've since come to find out that I might have asked for the wrong type of hotel, for example, there might have been motels, but no hotels), but there was a temple we could try sleeping in. Also, from teaching English last year, Ben knew that any English teachers can sleep at any public school in Taiwan, so if it came down to it, we could say we were English teachers and sleep at an elementary school. We felt like we ought to decide pretty soon if we should stay for the real deal the next night. Ben didn't really have anything to do the next day, and I felt like I would never have an opportunity even remotely similar to this one again in my entire life, so skipping school for one day didn't seem like a high cost to pay. So we decided to stay and do what we had come to do, get shot at by crazy fireworks.

After deciding we were going to stay our only goal was to find a place to sleep, so we headed off to find an elementary school. The nice woman had given us directions, and following those, we headed off through the night market. On the way we had an opportunity to try new foods, and I got something which most strongly resembled fried coleslaw. They shaped it into big rectangles on the griddle, then put corn and spices on top of it to serve it, and overall it was actually pretty good. We finally made it to the elementary school, so we looked around for someone to ask if we could sleep there, and if we could stash our stuff there (aside from our helmets, Ben only had his helmet and an extra jacket, but I had some food and a textbook too.) We didn't find anyone to ask, so we headed back to the main area. There was a stage set up for the event, and a band playing when we got back, so we went over to listen. Most music in Taiwan is a unique sort of pop, which I'm not a big fan of, but this band was actually playing legitimate music (and it was an all girl band), so we moved closer to the stage. Almost everything about the concert from the stage back, seemed pretty American. The band had American style, movement, volume, and they played at least one American song. But everything in front of the stage was distinctly Taiwanese. 1st of all, there was a 10-15 foot gap between the stage and the audience, the group in front of the audience looked like they had been brought out of the retirement home to enjoy some activities other than bingo, and mostly everyone else just looked sullen and bored. Ben and I were standing near the front, but off to the side, out of the way of the old people. A separate announcer came up between bands, and immediately announced that there were 2 foreigners standing off to the left. Then he pointed at us. I was taken a little aback, but Ben threw his hand into the air, and rolled with it. Everyone applauded for us and, interestingly enough, we got generated more excitement and applause than the band had. The announcer then asked us (in broken English) where we were from, and I was about to answer in Chinese, but Ben was on the ball again, and happily returned (in good English) that we were Americans. At this point, the announcer translated what had happened into Chinese and Taiwanese. The announcer asked us a couple more questions, but then the next band came on, and we became a regular part of the crowd again. As the band came down off stage, we decided to go talk to them, but things got off to a bad start when Ben asked if they could speak Chinese and instead of an emphatic 'Yes', the girl he'd asked only responded with 'A little'. I had heard that people preferred to speak Taiwanese in southern Taiwan (because there is more anti-China sentiment, and they want to be more independent and different), but we would come to find out this isn't entirely true. We talked to the band for a little while, but never managed to get away from the awkward start. The temple we were hoping to be able to sleep in was only a few feet away, so right before we parted company, we told the girls we were thinking about sleeping in the temple, and asked what they thought. This was the first time in the evening when we told strange Taiwanese people about our lack of a good place to sleep, and then hoped they would invited us back to their house to sleep, or somehow arrange something more comfortable than the cold ground at an elementary school. Every time our hopes skyrocketed, and almost every time they crashed back to Earth. So, the girl band set the trend for the evening by nicely sidestepping the issue, and Ben and I were left to go check out the temple to see if we really could sleep there.

The whole thing turned out to be a lot less like a temple than I had imagined. The nice woman had told us we might be able to find a place to sleep on the second floor, so we went straight up there first. I had expected a large empty room with an alter at one end, some carpets on the floor, ornately decorated pillars, incense, and a flat piece of marble where we could sleep. What we actually found was a hallway with closed doorways on either side, just like you would expect at any regular hotel (except that the floor was marble, and the outside looked what a temple should look like). We walked to the end of the hallway, and ran into a sign pointing towards (as far as I could tell) county cultural records. So we went downstairs to find someone who might be able to help us get this sorted out. Downstairs we found a large history exhibit, and after a moment, we found a security guard. We told him our problem and, after pondering for a moment, he just left. We were a little confused, and we felt a little abandoned, but we sat down to wait for someone else to come. About 5 seconds later the security guard came back in. Apparently we were supposed to follow him. This time we followed him out, where he pushed us off onto someone else, who quickly gestured us over to another, older, set of people and pushed us off onto them. It didn't take us long to figure out that there were no rooms in the temple, but the told us that, indeed there was a hotel down the road a little way, so we decided to go check it out. Although the town we were in was a lot smaller than Taipei, it was still obviously a town, and I wouldn't have even called it rural. So I was surprised when we passed a cornfield on the way out to the hotel. It seemed really out of place.

It turned out to be a hotsprings hotel, and it would have been about 30USD a night for each of us. As soon as we found out how much it was, there was never any option of staying there, and we talked about it later, and we don't really even know why we asked. It would have had to be a pretty cheap hotel room to be able to compete with a free piece of ground at the elementary school.

After we got back to the main plaza, we went and picked up a schedule to try to figure out what fireworks were happening, and when. While I was reading the schedule, Ben got ogled by some high-school kids, and beckoned them over. We asked them what was happening and when but they had no more idea than we did. We also broached the problem of not having anywhere to sleep and we came to find out that there was a college somewhere around, and we might be able to find a place to sleep there. We broke off from the kids, and started walking through the night market, towards the college. On the way some a little girl offered us a free sample of some orange juice. We drank it and it was delicious, and afterward we went to hand the little paper cups back to the little girl. She just stared at us, so I asked her what we should do with the cups. She said "Just throw them on the ground, then it'll be alright." I looked at Ben and he looked at me. Then we both threw our cups on the ground, and I'll be damned if it wasn't one of the easiest things I've ever done. No wonder people litter.

After going a little farther we stopped off to pick up a beer, and ask for directions. Apparently the college was only about 20 feet from the 7-11 we bought booze from. We walked on and quickly found the front gate of the college. We approached the security booth, trying to hold our beers as discretely as possible, to ask if they had a place we could sleep for the night. Things got a little crazy right away because as the security guard saw us, he immediately stood up and saluted (which might have been more reasonable from someone in the military, but this guy clearly wasn't). The security guard was short, with short black hair, and a easily noticeable paunch. He was also chewing betel nut, which holds chewing tobaccoe's place in Taiwanese society. Betel nut looks like a peeled acorn might. They're small, white skinned, and they usually come wrapped in a small leaf. You bite off one end, then just chew on the other end. It gives you a tiny little buzz, and (in my opinion) tastes a little like meat. It also turns your entire mouth, all your visible teeth, and your spit ... a pretty bright color red (and if you keep your eyes open you can see big red spit spots all over the streets).

We were beginning to notice that betel nut is a lot more common in southern Taiwan and especially in rural areas. This security guard confirmed the stereotype and had a mouth full of red stained teeth. After saluting us, the guard walked over to the window and we started to talk. Things got carried away pretty quickly. The guard right away asked if we'd come back to study (they're in between semester break was about over), and something else I didn't understand. I started to explain what we were doing, but then the guard started rolling with his own train of thoughts. He asked us when the last time we'd been back to the states was and when we'd be going again. Then he started telling us about bowling. Apparently he's pretty good at it, and had been to the states to compete, but he didn't do well because in America they spin the ball, so the path from hand to pins is curved (or something like that, I also thought he might have said that American lanes are slanted), so he didn't do as well. Then he got to the real point of his story. Apparently he was in love with a certain bowling ball that you could only get in the states (now you see why he was so intent to know our America related travel plans). We were never able to get out of him if it was one particular ball, or a whole series of balls, but apperently they (or it) were 40 years old, and incredibly important to this guy. We were trying to be friendly but this was getting a little out of hand, so we drew the conversation back to whether or not we could sleep in a building somewhere on campus.

As soon as he found out we were there to watch the fireworks, and not to study he immediately tried to loan us his scooter. Just for a quick recap here, we are 2 strangers, not even students at this University, both drinking beer, and not even asking for a scooter. So we follow him as he rushes out of the security booth and over to his scooter, which he proceeds to start. It is a kick start, and after stomping on the lever the first time (without getting it to start) he looks up to tell us that it's easy to start and only takes one kick. After the fourth or fifth kick he gets it started. We realize that this is a bad idea, and again emphasize that all we want is a place to sleep, so the guard rushes back to his booth. In the interim a stranger (I assume his friend) has taken a spot in the guard house. He's definitely not a security guard and actually looks like he's done a lot of drugs in the last 20 minutes. He is also chewing betel nut. As we come in the guard kick this guy out of his seat, and points to 2 chairs we could sleep in. We politely demur, saying they are too small, and so he heads back outside. We follow dubiously as he goes over to a van and lays down the seats for us to sleep in. The van is parked right beside a building, so we ask if there is somewhere in there we can sleep. Apparently there is some sort of pack of wild dogs that roams around inside the building, and it wouldn't be safe for us to sleep there.

Creepiness alarm bells go off all over the inside of my head, and we start to extricate ourselves from the situation. I tell him, this looks OK, but that we still want to see some fireworks so we don't want to sleep now. We figure out what time he gets off work too, to give the story some more semblance of truth and reality. Then we take off (on foot, with no moped). We thought we might be able to get to the fireworks (we could see them going off in the distance) by going through campus, but the guard told us it wasn't' so, and we had to keep heading down the road. So, following his advice, we headed on down the road. We weren't really near very many buildings now, but there were still a fair amount of traffic on the road. After a few minutes we came to another road and took it right, towards the fireworks. After a couple more minutes we finally made it somewhere, though it did seem a little dubious. Basically it was a sketchy couple groups of loitering guys chewing betel nut and looking surly, but we figured we're a lot bigger than they are, and we were drinking (which I feel gave us good street cred.)

As a side note here, one of the beautiful things about Taiwanese fireworks is that everyone does there own thing, usually in addition to publicly funded displays. While we were walking in the streets this sometimes made things more intense because fireworks could be getting shot off from all around you, but right now it was just nice because there were two separate areas of the sky that were regularly filled with beautiful fireworks. We chose one group and headed that way, finally making it to another temple, and a little rural town square. There were a lot of people loitering, but here there seemed to be more of a family crowd, or at least the sketchier looking people were just teenagers, so we decided to hang out here for a while. After a while Ben noticed that, where as before we had been surrounded by people in normal street dress, now the only people in our vicinity were wearing thick clothes and helmets. We hurriedly put on our helmets, and just in time too because fireworks started going off right beside us. We weren't prepared, but I turned my back and wrapped my arms around my neck to try to shield the important parts. Fortunately, it didn't last very long, and there were a lot of better prepared people shielding us from most of the intensity.

After hanging out there for a while we got approached by a 20 something Taiwanese girl, dressed up in full protective gear, and asked if we wanted to chat a little. Ben and I didn't hesitate before whole-heartedly agreeing. We both thought she just wanted to talk to us, but we were soon mistaken as she beckoned on the camera crew. I had see a guy walking around earlier with a firework-proof camera, but now he was accompanied by: a guy with a light, a interviewer, and some sort of all around guy who wrote down our names at the end of the interview. The guy talking didn't have any super specific questions so we just chatted a little bit. I asked where he was from, and when he said 'Japan' I jumped at the opportunity to ask someone, who, for all I can tell is a native speaker, how his Chinese got so good (apparently he also lived or lives in Taiwan). He didn't think it was quite as funny as I did, but we kept on chatting. They were with a news channel in Taipei, but I didn't ask which one. After a little bit the girl who had first talked to us gave the interviewer a couple of other questions to ask, but the interview was still pretty short overall.

We decided to go check out the temple and see if we couldn't sleep in this one, or they might be able to recommend somewhere for us to sleep. There was a large string of fireworks laid out on the patio in front of the temple, and we stopped to ask a guy standing there what time they were going to be set off. Our communications problems became apparent right away when he told us they hadn't been set off yet. We tried again, but the conversation only went downhill from there, though we finally did figure out that the fireworks were going to be set off shortly. There were a few people sitting in the temple looking out at the fireworks so we grabbed a couple chairs and joined them. After a moment one of the women started talking to us, and it soon became apparent that we were looking for a place to sleep. We talked a little more, and told here really all we needed was a place to lay down. She told us we could lay down there. Major Score. We chatted with her for a little while longer, then stashed out stuff there, and went back out to enjoy the fireworks.

Pretty soon a truck pulled up, and we chatted with the driver for a while. Each side of the back of the truck had a large board attached to it that looked like it had previously been used for advertising, but now it was old and worn. There was also a ladder in the back that you could use to get on top of the bus, and there was someone up there but I don't know what they were doing.
Anyway, for whatever reason, the guy parked the truck there for a while and so we chit-chatted. While we were chatting they set off another one of the 'beehives of fireworks' and it definitely increased excitement for the next night. It looked like a solid sheet of sparks (from the fireworks flying into the crowd) were coming off of the cart. Just after that we talked with a couple random people who were participating in tonight's beehive of fireworks, and one guy showed us where a hole had been burned in in the finger of his gloves. Although the gloves weren't that thick, seeing that only further increased anticipation of the next night.

We kept chatting it up with people and watching fireworks (although somehow we missed the really long one that was laid out in front of the temple) until about 1:30, when we decided we ought to further finalize our floor space in the temple. I went back in, in search of the woman who'd previously authorized us, but she was no where to be found. One of the same guys from earlier was sitting in the temple, so I thought he might work there, and asked him if we could sleep there. He, indeed, was just enjoying the fireworks like everyone else, but he did say that the woman in charge was around somewhere so I kept hanging out, awaiting her return. While I was waiting a Taiwanese man came up and asked if I was Dutch. I understood him the first time, but the question was so unexpected that I had to ask him to say it again. Sure enough, he wanted to know if I was Dutch and, after I told him I was American, he seemed satisfied and left. The woman never did show up again, and by this time, Ben and I were starting to get a little tired, and ready for bed. So, we started to get ready. Earlier we had devised an incredible, ingenious strategy for making our sleeping circumstances more comfortable. Wear our moped helmets to sleep. Not only would they provide further insulation, but they would serve as a sort of built in pillow. Whichever direction we turned our head, it would still be propped up by the moped helmet. So, because we were sleeping in our clothes, and hadn't brought tooth brushing materials, all we really had to do to get ready for sleep was put on our helmets.

We sitting around, wearing our moped helmets, and decided to try to talk to the last guy in the temple, to see how OK it was for us to sleep there, but we ran into problems right away. His Taiwanese was a lot better than his Chinese, and though he could understand what we were saying, and make coherent sentences of his own, he had a hard time doing it. He asked us a few times if we spoke Taiwanese, but I guess he finally believed our assurances that we couldn't. We did manage to make clear to him that we wanted to sleep there, and he continually assured us that we could. He was telling us it was no problem, right until the moment we got kicked out. The guy we had had communications problems with earlier (we asked him when the fireworks were going to go off, and he told us they hadn't yet) came in and told us we had to leave. We told him that we had been assured earlier in the evening that we could stay there, but he just kept repeating that they were closing, and so we had to leave. We argued a little bit, but it didn't seem like we really had any ground to stand on, so we got our stuff and left. The other guy followed us out, and seemed genuinely helpful and sorry that we had to leave. We walked out into the street, and found that the street crews were already at work cleaning up the leftover from the fireworks. It was pretty much a crew of somewhat old women with brooms, who swept all the paper rubbish into one pile and then let it on fire. Because it was made from fireworks leftovers, it became a sort of exploding bonfire as the fireworks that hadn't gone off earlier went off in the fire. I was a little cold and went to warm myself by the bonfire, but the nice stranger pulled me away, and went back to trying to think somewhere for us to sleep or a way for us to sleep in the temple, or something. He had seemed in complete control of his faculties when we were sitting in the temple talking, but now he seemed really drunk. He just kept saying "Hold on, let me think", and stumbling around. We were hoping to get invited back to his house, so we could have a warm piece of floor to sleep on, but after a while he just kept stumbling so we thanked him for his help and took off.

My New Year's Celebration

We got ten days off for New Years, and I had had grand plans of going backpacking, or at least leaving Taipei, but in the end I didn't do much exciting. The weather has been pretty crappy for a while (basically almost always cold rain), but I'd heard that the southern part of Taiwan has much nicer weather. I planned on going down there, and even found a hotspring on the east coast of the island that I'd have to hike in to (I hoped this would reduce the number of people I encountered) and if it turned out that there were too many people, then there were other hotsprings in the area that didn't have official trails to them, but which probably had 'paths' and I thought they might be less crowded. All of this turned out not to matter because I kept an was keeping an eye on the weather and saw that rain was forecast for the area of the hotspring. I thought about it and decided that I could go and if it did rain, the hotsprings would always be there, but in the end I decided I could hang out in hotsprings all day, and I wouldn't die, but it would probably get old after a while, and I probably wouldn't be that comfortable. So I scrapped the whole idea.

Some highlights from the weekend and the first part of the week are:
1. Actually went out to bars for first time this year, and got to know some classmates other than Luke.
2. Found a bar that sells Irish Car Bombs for a decent price, then spent the next day terribly hung over (actually I only had one car bomb, but it was a highlight of the night).

Jerry invited me to spend New Year's Eve (Wednesday) with his family, and naturally I took him up on it. In the morning I went to get eggs because I knew the woman I buy my eggs from was about to close up for a few days. The first time I ever bought eggs from her, she burst out laughing when I spoke Chinese, but that must have just been a weak moment because I think she's actually really nice. A stranger came up to me the other day while I was buying eggs (to talk to me because I'm American) and chatted at me for a long time (apparently he was 70 and his head had been opened twice and he was a soilder and construction worker when he was younger but now teaches some thing to do with the oceans, or something like that) and after he left the woman I buy my eggs from asked me if I knew him, so I launched into the whole story, and we chatted for a while. She asked if I had been back to the states since I'd been here and, when I said I hadn't, she asked where I had been for a while. Then I realized I had gone to Thailand, and that was what she was talking about. It was nice to realized I'd been missed by the woman I buy eggs from. Anyway, on New Years Eve when I bought eggs from her she threw in a small cake-like muffin with the eggs. It was neon pink, really good, and very moist (I think it had been steamed). So that made my morning.

After I got back I took the bus to Jerry's house, early enough to watch the end of a movie with him. Then we drove over to his Uncle's house were the shin-dig was going to take place. Right as we got there they were finishing up a small ceremony with the food. They had it all laid out on a table, and I assumed it was all for us, and we were about to start eating. Then Jerry's dad told me it was for the ancestor's so then I thought it was their's. Then, after they finished the ceremony, they started taking the food downstairs, and I realized the food wasn't completely for their ancestors. It was the ancestor's for a little while, then when the ancestors got done with it, it was ours to eat. Among the goodies were: a whole fish (aside from spicing and cooking it there appeared to be no preparation at all, it was served with the head, tail, and skin on, which was fine, but serving it turned out a little difficult because flaky fish is hard to pick up with chopsticks), a whole pig thigh (I think the skin was still on), and a whole duck (which had been feathered, but all it's appendages were still attached). I, however, couldn't eat any of those so they whipped up some veggie dishes for me, such as: bamboo slivers, cabbage, brown hard boiled eggs (I'm pretty sure they were boiled in tea, giving them the brown color), some sort of green beans, and something else which was good (and had been ok'd as vegetarian) but which I couldn't hazard a guess as to what it was. One of the best things were some beans. They looked exactly like black beans (same shape, size, and color), but were sweet. Deliciously sweet.

The actual meal was pretty interesting, if nothing else it was the most crowded around a table I've ever been. We (I think there were about 12 or 13 total) were sitting around a circular table, about 5' in diameter. Basically, everyone got their own bowl, and just grabbed anything they wanted (and could pick up) with their chopsticks. I did fine with everything, but I had to get some help with grabbing the hardboiled eggs, I'm not quite that adept yet. The table itself, aside from being surrounded with people, was also completely covered with food. When they brought out the special vegetarian stuff there was barely room to put it, and I ended up with no room to put my bowl, which was OK, because I spent most of the time shoveling food into my mouth (in a polite manner).

After dinner we went into the other room, started watching TV and eating some more. At first they brought out some unique peanuts, which were delicious. They were like no peanuts I'd ever eaten before. From the outside they looked like regular peanuts (except some of them had 4 nuts per shell), but when you cracked open the shell, instead of the individual nuts being wrapped in little red paper like substance, they were wrapped in little black paper like substance. And more importantly they were sweet. After we about polished off the peanuts, they brought out some plum tea, oranges, apples, and cherries. All in all it was an amazing feast.

After Jerry dropped me off at my house in the evening the fireworks began, and they continued, fairly constantly, for the next 3-4 days, regardless of the time of day or night. Apparently not all of the fireworks are just nice to look at, they are also to scare away the demons of the New Year, and because of this, some fireworks dropped all pretense of being pretty, and were just really loud. Because the fireworks kept going so long, and were pretty consistent, sometimes at night it felt like a war zone. Except a war zone without terror or danger, just lots of loud noises.

On Sunday night I went down to Yilan (about 1.5 hours away from Taipei, on the west coast of the island) for a Toga Party. Last year Luke taught English in the area, with a Fulbright program, and still had some friends there. The party not only gave me the opportunity to wear a toga (a personal first), but I got to see the fireworks from the roof of some friends' apartment building, which was very enjoyable, and sort of exciting because almost all of the fireworks were set off by regular people so they were coming from all directions. If you saw a flash, you had to turn as quick as you could to try to see the actual fireworks.

On the way back to Taipei, the next day, we stopped at a hotspring. It was the first commercial one I'd ever been to, but it was pretty cool. Before we went, Ben described it as a 'wonderland' and I think it completely lived up to the description. Basically, everything they had from saunas to hot tubs, came in a bunch of different flavors. They had the regular fruit flavors like orange, but the also had flavors like 'Chinese Medicine', 'white liquor', 'milk', and surprisingly 'sulfur' (which was neon yellow, but didn't actually smell very much like sulfur). They also had a 'hot rock' (a hot rock that people lie on, pretty straightforward really), a small heated fish pool (which people sat in and got nibbled on by fish), and a killer water slide in to a hot tub (which I went down twice before stopping to read the sign at the top that says you have to be under 140 cm, which I was disappointed about because I'm about 190 cm).

I was not ready.

Well. I knew that my room was really dirty, but I got a big slap in the face the other day. I had cooked rice the night before, and I left it in the rice cooker to cool down (so it didn't heat up the inside of the fridge). Anyway, I forgot to put it away before I went to bed, and what is worse, I also forgot to put the lid on, so it sat open all night long. In the morning after I woke up, I went to get some rice for breakfast and as I spooned out the first I a cockroach scampered out from under the pot, and headed for underneath the TV. I had only been awake for moments, and I was really not ready to see a mouse sized cockroach (it wasn't that big but the only 'vermin' I've had experience living with before have been mice, so I thought this was a mouse at first too) run out from underneath what would soon be my breakfast. Because he was under the TV, I didn't feel like I had much hope of a successful attack, so I finished making breakfast, and retreated to my couch. I had been eating for a few minutes when I saw him slowly, maybe even casually, making his away across the floor. I grabbed the first thing that came to hand, Freedom of the Hills (700 page fatty 'bible' on how to climb) and tossed. It was a beautiful high arching rainbow shot, that landed squarely. Actually, as I threw it, I thought I might have missed, but then I realized that I hadn't seen it make any last minute sprints for cover, and that the book was propped up on something. So I went and stepped on the book for good measure, and heard the poor fellar crunch. I wasn't ready for the crunch either, but I probably should have expected it. I think it sort of comes with the territory. It wasn't until a few hours later (while I was in class) that I realized the cockroach had probably been running all over my rice, pooping or peeing or eating or whatever it is cockroaches do. It made my stomach turn, but I experienced no real stomach aches or troubles of any kind. Later I talked to my one-on-one teacher about it, and apparently cockroaches are fairly common here. I asked her if cockroaches carried diseases like ticks and mosquitoes, and she said that some did. Apparently when she was a kid, her parents told her, whenever she killed a cockroach, to always be sure to close her mouth, to be sure none of the guts sprayed into her mouth. So I went home and sanitized the cover of Freedom of the Hills. Just for good measure.

Home

I made it back to Taiwan without any troubles, and it was really good to be back. I think partly because it is my home now, and partly because I can function here. Going to places where I can't speak any of the language made me realize that, while my Chinese isn't fantastic, I can function. Right after I got into the airport I asked someone for directions to the bus station right away, just so I Chinese to someone. And on the bus ride to Taipei I talked to the woman who was sitting beside me for about 45 min. After I got home and cleaned up, I went out and got some food. The food was delicious and incredibly satisfying because I ordered it all in Chinese, and there was no pointing or sub-par communication. And I got a steaming bowl of soy milk, which was amazing because it was cool outside.

The first week after getting back I was swamped with homework, partly because my classes are a lot more intense this semester, but also because I skipped the first three days of school, so I was having to make up for that. I'm taking 'Talks on Chinese Culture', 'New Radio Plays', and a news class. The news class is the favorite because although the articles are short and in a textbook, they were all written by a journalist for regular Chinese people to read, not by a teacher for students to read. 'Talks on Chinese Culture' is really interesting too though, because the texts are all about more substantive topics (last semester they were all crappy short dialog's just designed to use the vocab for the lesson). And I'm getting to learn all kinds of fun new words like 'feudalistic' and 'UV rays' and 'consciousness'. And some words we don't have in English like 'universalality'. So thats cool.

Climbing in Laos ... Yeaahhh.

We got into Vang Vieng at about 2 in the morning. We walked across a gravel field (which later turned out to be the airfield) and found someone awake in the back of a guesthouse. He turned out to be the owner, and put Alonzo and I in his room, and Jessy and some Australian guy who we met 2 minutes before at the bus stop, in another room. (This picture is from the multi-pitch I talk about later.) The roosters started going at about 5:30 or 6:00, and I slept through it for a while, but between that, feeling weird sleeping in the hotel owners bed, and having to pee, I got up at about 7:30. Alonzo got up to, so we went out to look around. We knew there was climbing here, and had some idea of the topography from the bus ride down the day before, but the reality was stunning. The scenery was gorgeous with big steep hills of land everywhere, many of which had sheer rock faces on the sides. We finally made it out climbing a little before noon. Everyone here is out to make a buck (which I can't really hold against them), but I try to avoid getting taken in by every little scam. So we walked through the river to keep from having to pay the toll over the bridge. Then we just kept walking towards the mountain, through some rice paddies. Along in here we picked up some kids. They couldn't have been more than 3-4 years old, and just kept running up behind us, slapping as high as they could reach (usually butt or backpack) and then falling over in hysterics. They asked for money too, but mostly they fell over and laughed. Except for one kid. I didn't see it happen, but I had hung back to take some pictures, and the flock of kids followed Alonzo and Jessy. When I caught up there was one kid crying his eyes out, and Alonzo trying to comfort him. Apparently he was just running full out, and took a digger. Right onto his face. As we got closer to the mountain the kids headed back home, or wherever it is they hang out. Then we found the 'guide' (aka, last scam before we get to the rock). It was $1 each, and he took us to the climbing. It wasn't actually terrible, because it probably would have taken us a long time to find it, but then again, they could use signs.

The rock was great though. There were only about 8 climbs at this one spot, and we did most of them. And the view from the top of some of the climbs was really spectacular. We climbed until just before dark and timed it just right, so that we caught the sunset from the rice patties. It was one of the most amazing sunsets I've ever seen. It started really beautiful, and just kept getting more and more so. Then Alonzo noticed some bats coming from a hill on the right and streaming over the setting sun. They kept streaming out for 2-3 more minutes, while the sunset peaked. It was unbelievable.

With the sunset, the moon rise, the scenery here, and from the bus last night ... I pretty much fell in love with Laos right away. Because we had climbed most of the routes there, we had to go to a new place the next day. There were quite a few in the guidebook, and we decided that the 'Sleeping Wall' looked like a good place to go. We were in the mood for some adventure, so we decided to walk out and try to find it.

The guidebook said it was 2 km north of town, which didn't seem that bad, because we assumed that we knew where the end of town was. But after we'd been walking for a while, we began to realize that there wasn't a very distinct edge to the town, so we weren't really sure where we should begin estimating the 2 km before our left turn. After a while, we found a dirt road that seemed like it might be right. There was a very bleached old sign that seemed like it said something like the guidebook said it should, so we turned off there. I don't think we really believed it was the correct road, but we knew we would have to cross the river eventually, and walking along (or possibly through) the river seemed a lot more pleasant than walking beside the road, so we headed off. We passed a couple houses, and one playing loud (and in my opinion sub-par) Asian music. After passing a couple forks we finally made it to the banks of the river. We could see some rocks on the other side, so we dropped down the shore. We stumbled upon a bamboo platform with a man selling beer. We decided to stop and enjoy a Beer Lao and the scenery. The beer was warm, but the scenery was nice, and after we had been sitting talking for a while the guy gave us a delicious orange. After we finished our beers, we asked the guy for directions, and he pointed down the river, back towards town. We waded out into the creek, and down stream, looking for a place to stop. After a couple hundred yards we came to another stream side bar, and they had a little ferry service, so we got a shuttle across. We were looking for the 'Sleeping Wall', and we ended up finding the 'Sleeping Cave'. It was absurdly overhanging, and there were some bolted routes but most of them looked really dirty. We climbed one, but there was a stream flowing through the bottom of the cave, so it was hard to find a good place to belay. And the climbing was just as dirty as it looked. We decided to head back to the bar to relax. After all, it had been a hard day. I mean, we must have walked at least a mile and a half. And then did one and a half climbs. Definitely time for another beer. We walked back, and past the first bar we came to. Our goal was a second one, about 100 yards farther down stream, that looked like it had a pretty sweet rope swing. Right as we got to the second bar, we stumbled upon the 'Sleeping Wall'. There was one canyon, and another face, both tucked right behind the second bar. After we saw the climbing, we got excited again, and decided to climb more. Climbing here was certainly a different experience from the climbing yesterday. Not only was it harder and shorter, but there was mediocre European techno blasting from the bar (there were a few French climbers there to, and they got there first, so I guess they got to choose the music). There was even a campfire, and a slackline (tight-rope made from webbing). It was just a lot more of a social scene. The rope swing turned out to be as cool as it looked. It was fun, and there was really no room for hesitation. The bamboo platform they had built up to swing from, was really rickety, so it was scarier to stand there than it was to jump. This bar had a free shuttle, so after cooling off in the river, we headed home. It turned out that the road we had chosen was actually the right road, we had just turned off too soon.

Most of the rest of the time in Laos was well spent. One of the main tourist things to do is tube down the river, stopping frequently at bars along the way to get drunk. When we rented the tubes the company wrote their initials on our hands, in big black water-proof letters, so no matter how drunk we got, we would still know where to return the tubes. They are clearly experienced with foreign tourists.

We followed some friend's advice, and waited until the early afternoon to get started. This turned out to be a mistake because we ended up coming back after the sun had gone down, and the water wasn't that warm. At the put in, there was an Organic Farm that supports fair trade, shade grown, local agriculture, and all sorts of dandy things like that, with much of the profits going back to the local community (westerner's also go there to volunteer, and feel good about themselves for being socially responsible, and helping indigenous communities). The Organic Farm wasn't above opening a bar at the put in, so people could start the day off right, and one of these clever foreigners had made a sign that said "Please, Drink for the Children". So we stopped and had a shot of some sort of banana liquor. For the children. Then we set off. The first bar we passed had a zip-line, which would have been neat to try, but we saw a couple other people try it, and when they got to the block on the wire (to keep them from zipping all the way to the end of the line) they hit the block with force, which swung their legs up and most of them ended up doing a flip into the water. It looked sort of fun, but it looked like you got flipped pretty forcefully into the water, which was more than we wanted. All of the bars had people standing on the banks with bamboo harpoons, to throw to the lazy foreign tubers, so the lazy foreign tubers could get dragged to shore. The next bar we passed was advertising free whiskey shots, so we flagged down the harpoon man, and he tossed out the piece of bamboo and pulled us in. The whiskey sign turned out to be false advertising, so we walked down to the next bar, where there seemed to be more people.

Indeed there were more people at the next bar. It really reminded me of crappy hip hop clubs in Taiwan. The music was absurd and too loud, there were the young drunk people dancing and making fools out of themselves, and the place was even complete with older people sitting in bamboo huts looking sullen and bored. There were a couple exceptions though. One was volley ball courts. The other was the huge rope swing. We decided to get some drinks and sit down, and the most well advertised drink is the so called "Bucket". Naturally, in the spirit of trying new things, I decided to get one. Sure enough, it was a bucket, first filled with ice, then half filled with whiskey, then a Pepsi and energy drink for taste. It really wasn't bad. Alonzo and Jessy both decided to try the rope swing, but I was starting to get sick, and was already wearing my long john shirt to stay warm, so I didn't think the rope swing would be a good idea. After they did the rope swing we headed down stream again. I think we stopped for one more beer, but mostly it was a long, cold, mildly buzzed float back to town. We got our tubes back to the right place (thanks to the engravings on our hands) and went to get warm and clean. There is a little island in the river, just near town, and coincidentally it is packed with bars, so we went there to ring in the New Year.

Midnight didn't take very long to arrive, and after the countdown was over, I realized I had a little fever, and my throat hurt so I left. In the end, it turns out that drinking a lot wasn't a sure fire cure, and actually probably negatively affected my throat. So I took a couple days off from climbing. At one point, we were eating, and Jessy asked how I was doing. "I've got a fever, my throat hurts, and my nose is completely stuffed up, but I know if I try to blow it, it will start bleeding." (I'm pretty sure I just had strep throat, but for some reason it was accompanied by nose bleeds every day for over a week. For a few days, they were like clockwork, coming within a few minutes of each other. Every morning, unprovoked, at about 8:30.) So, I slept a lot, and towards the end I got some throat lozenges, and it sorted itself out.

That Thursday was my last day in Laos, and there was a multi-pitch I wanted to do before I left. The cliff was behind the 'Sleeping Wall', and was easily visible, so we didn't think it would be that hard to get to. This proved not to be the case, and the approach turned out to be one of the most intense one's I'd ever done. The main difficulty at first was finding out where the trail was, but after 3-4 false starts, we finally got the right one. Shortly thereafter, the trail truly got sketchy. It was through a jungle, but the sketchy part was the rocks we were walking on. The way they formed, it was basically like a bunch of knives laid down with the sharp edge facing the sky. Then we walked along these sharp edged rocks (they were sharp enough to make noticeable gashes and holes in the soles of my shoes, just from 40 min. of walking on them) balancing and hoping they didn't break (though you could see where previous pieces had broken off). Most of the time you could see down through the gaps between the slivers of rock, maybe 8 inches or a foot to the ground, so that if a sliver did break, you would actually fall a little. Mostly I think we were afraid of getting a knee-cap shorn clean off. All in all it still wasn't as terrifying as a couple of the moped rides. After we made it to the cliff, we ended up getting on the wrong climb, but the one we did was fun, and the view's were beautiful, so it was OK.

On Friday I departed Laos. The first bus ride was 4 hours, down to the capital of Vientienne (the capital of Laos). Then I got a tuk tuk down to the border, where I encountered some difficulties. After I made it through immigration, I was immediately targeted and a woman tried to sell me a bus ticket into Thailand. I figure the first person to try to sell you stuff is the most expensive, so I always say no right away. In hindsight I think the woman was running the only 'public' bus system, and was probably just trying to be helpful. After the tuk tuk ride, I only had about $2 left (in Laotian currency) and for some reason, I thought that I had to spend it all, or maybe it would be a good idea to spend it all before I got any Thai currency. So I shopped around, and found some interesting boxes of cookies and bought them. That was the point where I realized my mistake. I should have first bought transport away from the spot I was (no town really, just a border crossing with some stores), then gotten food. Border control was pretty loose, and I had seen an ATM in Laos before I crossed over, so I walked around the border checkpoint, and back into Laos. I was surprised how easy it was just to walk back in. Anywhoo, the ATM didn't take VISA cards, so I was faced with a real predicament. No money, and no way to get money. And I had to pee, but they charged for the bathroom, and I didn't think they would except cookies as payment. I walked back into Thailand, and found a taxi driver I had briefly haggled with before buying the cookies. I think this was the peak of my haggling success, especially since I didn't actually have any money. We bartered back and forth, with neither of us moving. I expected him to come down gradually, but after we chit chatted for a bit, he just yelled to some of his fellow cab drivers, and someone appeared who was willing to take me to the train station for my price. I'm pretty sure the guy who took me used his own personal truck. It certainly didn't seem like a regular cab. And he ended up having to loan me some money so I could make it through immigration on the Thai side. THEN, the other cab driver had lead me to believe there was an ATM at the train station, but there wasn't so the guy drove me to an Tesco where they had an ATM, so I could get money. I was really grateful to the guy, but at the same time, the train station turned out to be about 1/4 mile away from the border crossing. I think I could have walked there in 20 min, so I'm pretty sure the guy still came off with a big profit. And from the looks of his truck, it didn't seem like he was hurting for cash. I had been worried some about the travel, because of still being a little sick, but the train ride to Bangkok ended up being great. I was in the sleeper car, and I had previously been warned to try to get a lower bunk, because it minimized the rocking of the train. When I bought my ticket there were none left, so I got the top one. It was good though because it's been a long time since I was little enough for my momma to rock me to sleep, and I ended up really enjoying the rocking of the train. After the train got in, I had to catch a couple buses to get out to the airport. On the second one, just like clockwork, my nose started to bleed. Fortunately, I had come prepared, so I tilted my head back so the blood ran down my throat, the fumbled in my bag for some tissues, which I pressed to my nose, and waited for it to sort itself out. After I got to the airport, it was just a long wait for my plane to leave. Then a short flight back to Taiwan. I did see a bunch of Eastern Europeans, with a fetish for taping their baggage closed. Lord only knows why, but a few of them used a whole roll of tape just to make 2 really thick bands of tape around their bags. Whatever the reason, the did seem to enjoy taping their luggage closed, so I guess it was alright.

Laos ... Yeahhh.

1st of all. Alonzo has posted more pictures. Go to www.snapfish.com use the email address
azm13@hotmail.com and the password gonzo


Alonzo, Jessy, and I left Chiang Mai on Christmas Eve. The moped terror peaked for me the day before we left. We went to look for the bus station so we could get tickets for the next day. Alonzo was driving, and the traffic was kind of heavy, and there was more swerving than normal (because we didn't know where we were going) and the line between the shoulder and the road was much more distinct (which is important because the shoulder also serves as the moped lane). Merging from the shoulder over onto the main highway was the sketchiest part of it all. I've crashed on my bike more than once because I didn't take the turn sharp enough and my tires kept going forward while my body went sideways. I was thinking about every single time as Alonzo made the transition over. Every muscle in my body was tensed up, but Alonzo made it over smoothly and we made to the bus station and got tickets for the 8:00 am bus tomorrow.

We caught the bus up, and they played some really crappy American horror/sci-fi movie. It made me wonder whether or not the actors know that their movie is being played on a tiny TV on the bus from Chaing Mai to Chaing Khong. Anyway, Chaing Khong is right on the border with Laos, so as soon as we got there we took a ferry across (the Mekong) to the Laos side, and promptly got shafted by the Laos government officials. I knew we were going to have to pay 35 USD to get a visa, which is a little steep, but I though "Meh, What can ya do?". I was however, mistaken. Americans have to pay that much if they have US cash. If they are going to pay in Baht (the Thai currency), they have to pay 1500, which is about 50 USD. At first I honestly thought the man had made a mistake with the calculator (silly me) and so I did the conversion, and pointed to the new number on the calculator. He took the calculator back (On a side note, calculators are used really extensively here, for haggleing, to make sure everyone involved is sure of the numbers. They get some crazy huge calculators too, with 2" tall number displays.) and typed 1500 back in, then pointed to it. Then he smiled. His smile was the worst part of the whole thing. It said "I know you're getting shafted. And you know you're getting shafted. And your friends? They're going to get shafted too, because who carries around US cash in Thailand? So you can argue all you want, but you're going to pay the extra money, and I'm not going to loose any sleep over haven given you the shaft. Sucker." It was the most infuriating smile I've ever seen. And to make it worse, I didn't have enough cash on me, because I hadn't planned on needing much Baht in Laos (they use Kip there). So I fought a little more, and punched some more numbers into the calculator, and they told me that I could go back to Thailand if I wanted to, to get out more cash. What I really wanted to do was to spit on his little smile, then run back to Thailand where I would be out of reach (hopefully) of his retribution, but instead I borrowed a little money from Alonzo, gritted my teeth, and payed.

After we left, our next task was to bater passage on a slow boat down the Mekong. We hoped to be able to get started that day but, apparently only one boat leaves every day, and we had missed it, so we got a hotel room. Then we went down to the pier and bartered passage on the slow boat the next day. Score. Our boat left at 11:00, and we showed up at about 10:20. The boat was already mostly filled, and most of the occupants were tourists. There were some chickens on the roof, and one or two Laotian families but the vast majority was European tourists. On that note, I have some good news. Europeans are assholes too. I always hear about what a bad reputation Americans have abroad, as being loud and rude and obnoxious. Well, 1st of all, because everyone was speaking English, I feel like a lot of the rude Europeans could easily be mistaken for Americans, and give us a bad name. Second of all, I kind of feel like Americans are made out to be the only assholes, but that is just not the case. Some of these Europeans were unbelievable. The Mekong was beautiful though. We were on it for two days, and I watched the scenery go past for most of the time. We stopped for one night in a very small town supported, as far as I could tell, entirely by the tourist boat stopping there every day. It was kind of sad because the people there have such a strong incentive to hawk and sell! sell! sell! That night was the first I've ever slept under a mosquito net and I was glad of it, but not because of mosquitoes. I heard something (I assume some sort of Asian rat) crawling around on the head of the bed, and I don't know if the mosquito net kept the rat from crawling on my face, but it certainly did make me feel better. At the end of the second day we passed a few cliffs, some in the distance, but some right on the river. It made me excited about climbing, because, while the climbing in Chiang Mai was good, it wasn't terribly scenic. This looked like it was going to be. One of the cliffs on the river had a cave, which had been turned into a temple. Sweet. We got into Luang Pra Bang at about 5:45, and we hoped to be able to get a bus down to Vang Vieng (where the climbing is). I had actually lost hope because we got in later than I thought we would, but there was one leaving at 7:00, so we got tickets, then grabbed some dinner, and some sort of little Lao bunny cookies that tasted a little like lemon. Alonzo and I sat in the next to last row, with Jessy sitting in the row behind us. I had the window. The sun had been down for a while by the time the bus started to move, and after a little I got to see the moon rise. It was a dark red at first, then gradually lightened in color going through orange, until it became its normal bright off-white. It wasn't quite full, but it was still bright and the moonlight scenery was incredible.

Since Alonzo and I have been traveling together I've wanted to climb on top of almost all of the different forms of transportation we've taken. On the train we had huge, 4' x 4' windows that it would have been easy to climb out of. I felt around above the window, and there was a sort of gutter going above the window, so I climbed part way out and found out it would have been easy to get on top. I scouted out a descent too. There was a ladder down in between the cars, though once you got down the ladder it might have been tricky to get back inside the train. I was also a little worried about low hanging electrical wires, or electrical wires which were some how connected to the train. I ended up falling asleep, so didn't climb on top.

Then I wanted to climb on top of the boat down the Mekong too. I could have gotten away from the European tourists drinking and smoking, and enjoyed the scenery more. Part of the time, floating down the river I did stand on the bumper going around the edge of the boat, so my shoulder was at the level of the roof, and my whole body was outside the boat. Getting onto the roof would have been easy from there, and I might have done it, but there was a sign clearly proclaiming that it wasn't allowed, and I got yelled at a couple of times, just for standing on the bumper. The bus was a different story though. The window I was sitting beside was huge, but only about half of it opened. I felt around above it and found another sort of gutter, and pulled my torso out. They used the roof for some baggage storage, so there was a railing going around the edge. I lowered myself back into the bus, and began amassing testicular fortitude. There were no technically difficult climbing moves. The lights were off in the bus. Alonzo was asleep, and most other people either were, or would be soon. I didn't feel like I would be missed, and after a while someone in the front of the bus started throwing up (the road was pretty windy), giving me another reason to get out of the bus. The bus had to slow down going up hills, and eventually had to stop to shift down to first gear, so I even had a good opportunity when the bus wasn't really moving. I could just slip out the window, and onto the roof. Then really enjoy the view, and the experience (I've discovered I'm a real slut for a unique experience). I egged myself on for a long time, and finally opened the window and got completely outside the bus, with my hands on the rail around the top. Then I realized, "What am I doing?". I climbed back inside the bus. Before, I had thought the most difficult part would be the beginning. Actually opening the window. I was very demoralized, and realized I must not have fully been committed. Naturally, in hindsight the whole thing seems stupid and rash, but I still kind of wish I'd made it on top. As it is, I've got a cool memory, but riding on top of a bus at night through Laos, during the full moon would have been an incredible experience.

Climbing ... Yeaahhh.

My momma has only ever made me promise her two things. The first one was to never join the military, and I've got that one on lock down. Definitely not planning on joining the military any time soon. The second one was to never get a motorcycle, and unfortunately I had to fib a little on that one. To get out to the climbing area here you can either catch a ride with the local climbing shop (in which case your arrival and departure time are scheduled and you are running around with a lot of people all the time) or you can rent mopeds and drive your own self out to the crag. Naturally we decided to drive our own selves out. Overall it wasn't too crazy, although I was normally in a healthy state of terror (just to keep things safe). They drive on the left side of the road here, so that took a little getting the hang of, but all the Thai drivers are pretty considerate, and I'm pretty sure they are used to stupid foreigners so they just kind of wait until you sort yourself out, then they go on their way.

Alonzo and I rode together and rotated most everything. One of us would rent, and the other would pay for gas, and usually I drove in the morning and he drove at night. Driving in the city was arguably more dangerous, but I think felt safer because we weren't going so fast. Mostly we didn't go to fast on the highway either, but one day we went to visit an elephant reserve, and we left Chaing Mai a little late, so we hauled ass on the way down there. I don't know if we were actually speeding or not because I couldn't read the street signs, and it hadn't even occurred to me until the second day that there might even be a speed limit, or that speed was something we should be concerned about. Mostly we just kept with the stream of traffic.

We ended up making really good time down to the elephant reserve, but it didn't matter too much because they had pretty regular elephant shows (we had thought they only had one). The show was pretty neat. They had the elephants do a sort of re-enactment of the work elephants used to do, which was logging. Then they had the elephants paint a picture. One painted a freestyle picture, and the other one painted some flowers (the people there had taught him how). We also went to see the elephant dung paper factory while we were there. Apparently they can not only make paper out of elephant dung, but they can also make bio-fuels if they ferment it right. So that was pretty neat to see. This was the only day Alonzo and I didn't share a moped, and on the way back we took it a lot slower. It was nice to be able to enjoy it, though it was still a little terrifying. We stopped at a roadside stand and got some strawberries, then turned off on a random road and happened to find a temple. So we stopped there and ate the strawberries. It was pretty cool. Needless to say it was some sort of a Buddhist temple. The statues were humanoid but had vague resemblances to a cat, and there was leopard print cloth draped around them. To top it off there was a cat living there by itself. I think it was the friendliest cat I've ever met. After we went polished off the strawberries we went up the hill and found a whole monastery. We only saw one monk, but he told us to show ourselves around. It was a pretty beautiful place.

Most of the other days we went climbing. The climbing here is all really good and not too crowded. There is a cave adjoining one of the cliffs and we saw in the guide book that there was a climb inside, so we went in to check it out. There was one or two short climbs near the entrance but the one we were interested in was farther back. It was a two pitch climb, roughly 5.11d in difficulty, which is out of my league, but a couple of the other guys we were with wanted to give it a try. Basically it was the kind of climb that makes me wish I was a better climber. It just takes a really cool line, looked amazing, and was really really exposed (which means that it is really obvious how far it is to the ground). The climb was fairly overhanging and was basically already 100' off the ground when it started, so as soon as you started climbing there was nothing between you and the ground but air. When I found the guys, they were already started. Conrad was sitting on a ledge 100' off the ground (the starting point) belaying Jessy, who was another 100' up, about 10' past his last bolt, standing in between two stalactites, staring down into the vast emptiness of the cave. After sitting for a minute I realized Jessy was looking for another bolt because he wasn't sure where the route went next. He ended up finding one right above his head (and after he clipped that one he found another down by his thigh). The second pitch traversed right out of the cave, then over the opening to the anchors. It wasn't quite as intense looking, but still made me wish I was a better climber.

Other highlights were finding a waterfall one day after climbing, and going to a Thai cooking school. The day we went to find the waterfall, we had originally planned to go to a hot spring, but we found out that there were about 3 different fees just to get into the area, and that there might be another fee to actually sit in the hot spring. We were also unsure about whether or not we'd physically be able to sit in hot spring because of the size of it. There was a lot of miscommunication going on. Our fall back plan was to go to the waterfall, so we set off. The drive was a lot more beautiful and got us back into the mountains. Alonzo was driving so I got to take in a lot of the view. After driving for a while we had to stop and ask for directions. A truck was driving past and Alonzo had the guidebook, so he spearheaded the initiative. While Alonzo asked directions, I commented to Conrad that they were pretty ballsy, trying to get information like that without any knowledge of the language. He laughed and said it was easy. All you have to do is point at the waterfall in the guidebook, then point down the road to the left and to the right. Touche. It really is that simple. The guy Alonzo asked even spoke some English, so he came away with more information than just a direction. We ended up finding the ranger station (really just a family's home, but they opened the gate for us and let us in) and the trailhead. The sun was setting as we walked in, which was beautiful, but also a little distressing because I hadn't brought my flashlight. At one point we came to a fork in the trail. We chose the left fork and kept our fingers crossed. The trail dropped steeply into a canyon and it seemed like we had chosen the right path. After a little further the creek crossed a stream, and right after that we found the waterfall. I had wanted to swim before, and there was a good pool at the bottom of the fall, and I could have swam but due to time constraints I didn't. It was a nice waterfall. We took a couple pictures and then hurried back.

Alonzo drove the first half of the way back, then I took over. This was the most terrifying ride of the trip. Nothing really special happened, it was just pretty intense overall. When we finally made it back and I stepped off the moped for the last time (that day), I heaved my first ever true sigh of relief. The stress of the ride back didn't even compare to anything else I've experienced in my whole life. Hands down. Tests and school are nothing. Climbing isn't even very scary compared with the ride back.

Anywhoo, the cooking school was fun (and we didn't have to ride mopeds out to it, which was a bonus). The chef teaching us kept making terrible jokes, and then laughing really hard, which made his jokes funny. I guess it was a testament to how important a good delivery is. And I learned how to make mango sticky rice, a delicious concoction involving mango, sticky rice, sugar, coconut, and salt. Unbelievable.

I kind of wanted wrestle with the trunk of an elephant, but since I'm pretty sure the elephant could rip me in half like a phone book, this is as close as I got. And the elephant spit on me a little.

One other neat thing about Chaing Mai was the Frog Women. There are a few night markets in Chaing Mai, and they are all saturated with Frog Women. They sell little wooden frogs, that have been hollowed out in the middle, and carved ridges on their backs. You take a stick and rub it along the ridges on their backs and it makes the frogs 'ribbit'. And the Frog Women push these things like there weren't no tomorrow. They've got a good system too, the whole Frog Woman union, that is. They all wear fakey little outfits with a red on black design that I though looked a little Peruvian. They also wear very interesting hats. The hats look a little like the Pope's hat, but smaller. They have high fronts (similar to the Pope's hat), but square, with a color scheme to match their jackets, and little silver bangles hanging off. And all of the women are shorter than 5' 4". Actually it is a little odd, because they really all are really short. Anyway, when you first walk in you get attacked by a few of the older more experienced ones. If you make it past them, then there is another rank of younger pretty Frog Women waiting inside the gate. They attack next. And each individual attack isn't easy to fend off either because there are so many stages of it. They use the frogs to lure you in, but once you've told them you don't want a frog, they are ready with a horde of other trinkets to push on you. See, they all wear those little rack that hang off in front of them, like hot dog salesmen in baseball stadiums. The racks are full of more frogs, and other trinkets, and they've got necklaces and bracelets hanging off of both arms which they push at you and point to. I really do like the Frog Women though. They're constantly making the frogs go 'ribbit' so they create a sort of nice atmosphere, and they are so stalwart and determined. Almost none of them ever smile, or even speak. They just point to the frogs and necklaces and stare at you. It is fun to watch them haggle other people too, but sometimes they notice me and start walking towards me. I shake my head 'no', but I think that is a mistake because it just encourages them. If I shake my head then I've responded in some way, and they have an opening.